lisa (j2540c) wrote,
lisa
j2540c

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oh man!!!

i havent updated in a while. im fretting...i like ronnie...and he likes me. but hes black, which doesnt bother me, it just bothers my whole fucking family. and everyone else my mother tells. gee...i just wish she hadnt discussed it with melissa. now they are both going to gang up on me and make me feel gulity about a.j. i hate it when they do that! GRRRR!!!! i dont know? what should i do? i need some help here people? i want this to work...i cant sleep b/c of it. i havent talked to josh in forever, which i dont care b/c in the same sentence he said he has a g/f and he still wants to be friends with me...he doesnt want to lose touch. yeah, whatever...havent heard from him in a while. then i talked to justin. i finally got some emotion out of him when i made my "im going to work at hooters" comment. he didnt like that very much...which surprised me b/c he has never come off as the jealous type...and ronnie...we get to him...what do i say...hes everything i want in a guy, i think...i dont know!!! im so confused. i hate life...steve thinks i shouldnt do it. but then again steve would like to send me to a convent and see me become a nun...good thing im not catholic!!! haha!!! he would rather me rot as an old maid then be with someone...not fair! i get to be unhappy while he gets to be happy! whatever! and then ronnie actually likes me...i cant beleive that! through all my faults, he wnats to stay around. and hes scared for me! then theres a.j. mom says he thinks the world of me...why? i dont know. if i knew i could tell myself. i am not an untouchable person. in fact, im very touchable...i deserve to be happy...GRRRRRR!!!!! i hate guys...oh well. theres nothing i can do about it. i just have to go with the flow. ronnie and i are going out friday. maybe this time we can actually go out on a real "date". mom is leaving friday for her business trip. shell be gone for a week and my aunt betty is coming on sunday to take care of my brother. that way i dont have to play mommy...and next weekend justin is supposed to be coming...lucky me! i mean im happy, but i dont need this right now...i just need to make it through this semester. ok...i need to try and sleep. i dont know how...man, tomarrow im going to be so tired! good night! and if anyone has a solution to my many petty problems, let me know. especially if you have a gun...
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